Posted on 2005.04.08 at 05:04
I feel tragic and I don't want to. I feel cheated, I feel oh so human.
And I feel alone. I have no one, no one will have me.
Damn it all. I'm so tired of feeling this way!
Posted on 2005.03.25 at 08:12
Tired of life, tired of this war. Tired. I want to lay down and close my eyes, just once, and not feel afraid of what I'll open them to.
I want to... not be alone.
I want to know someone, not because I just defend and eventually die for them. I want to know them simply for the sake of the knowing.
I want freedom to be as ignorant as the humans I work so closely with.
I want to kill no more.
Sometimes I just want... to close my eyes and never open them again...
Posted on 2005.03.23 at 08:04
I love her. I feel pain, physically, when she is hurting, when she's ill or frightened. I worry. I want to always protect her. I've devoted my life to it.
But the romantic emotions she's always felt... I can't reciprocate them. I love her as something beautiful, as something precious, to be protected.
But I've hurt her. I've hurt her so badly...
I couldn't lie. I don't trust her strength. This darkness...
I would die for her, do anything to keep her safe.
I can't... feel for her, though. I love her because her creator hates her. Because of me. I love her because she needs me to, because she's not strong enough, and I am. I would provide her with my death, if that was what she needed, but the love between us isn't enough, and on that I have nothing else to give.
One more sin, one more reason.
A black mark on my name.
Posted on 2005.03.11 at 05:49
Even truth is filled with lies
Doubting Angels Fall to walk amongst the living.
It's late, or early, and one of those nights where I can't sleep. I've paced, tried to read, tried to watch the stars and...
Peace simply won't come tonight.
Posted on 2005.02.16 at 12:55
"What the fuck were you thinking? You don't challenge the Almighty!"
You know, I've never had to ask myself that question, regardless of how tortured I've felt about my Fall. Fuck you, you small minded little prick.
And I might just be the one who can make that wish come true.
Posted on 2005.02.09 at 09:12
Thinking a million things and not so certain I understand any one of them. I'm feeling desperate for contact with any angel other than Lillith. Her humanity...
Sometimes I wish, dream even now, that I'd never challenged Yaweh.
I've never felt so alone as now, surrounded by 4 billion sinners.
Posted on 2005.02.09 at 09:02
He won't says his interests are purely platonic... He thinks this will bother me?
Posted on 2005.02.08 at 21:16
I had the dream again last night. I never dreamed until I Fell.