Image Fall

You found hope
You found faith
Found how fast she could take it away

Found true love
Lost your heart
Now you don't know who you are

She made it easy
Made it free

Made it hurt till you couldn't see
Sometimes it hurts
Sometimes it flows
But baby that's how love goes

Chorus:
You will fly and
You will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you
Must stay on
God knows even angels fall

Its a secret no one tells
One day its heaven
One day its hell

It's no fairytale
Take it from me
That's the way its supposed to be

Chorus:
You will fly and
You will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you
Must stay on
God knows even angels fall

You laugh
You cry
No one knows why
But all the thrill I layed on

Your on the ride you might as well
Open your eyes

Chorus:
You will fly and
You will crawl
God knows even angels fall
No such thing as you
Must stay on
God knows even angels fall

Even Angels fall
Even angels fall

You... you know who you are... today I feel like saying how wonderful you...

Probably in an hour I'll coward out and lock this down. But for the moment.

You amaze me. Your life, your smile, your wisdom. You manage to be everything that I fail at being and every day I find more reasons to be amazed at you.

There's more, but it's not meant to be public at all.

I feel like I should say something. But I don't have anything to say today. Making progress has been difficult. I feel like every time I hear those thoughts again I've backslid, that I'm failing. Maybe that's alright and is supposed to be but I feel it like a weight.

Like fear.

I don't want to fail.

Broken and still fighting the admission that I am fucked. I'm just going to ignore the fact that the world exists for awhile. Have a good day.

Don't leave me alone, late at night. I think too much, I remember too many things and I feel helpless and unworthy of life.

I didn't realize how empty this place would be without Lillith.

I'm no one then he said... Damn it to Hell, but he's gotten it so backwards. He's no one? Him?

I am such worthlessness...

Everything's been turned upside down for me. I realize that this is an irrational and unintelligent way to deal with these feels of aggression, rage and helplessness... but tonight there is no Lillith to slap me back to reality...

I'm going out for a drink. If I pace this room once more, I might scream. Four walls, ceiling and floor... I'm going insane. I swear.

Nothing particular worthwhile about today. I saw Eric. We've argued before but I think I might have pushed him too far. I don't know why I can't just accept that there are things I have nothing to offer... I don't understand how it always has to be about something...

But then, I've already come to the realization that I have no idea what life is about.

Lillith has managed more elegant turns of phrase no other time than when she said "Today it rained for hours, and only after the sun came out did I realize I was crying."

The woman has talent... I wish I could have such a gift, god-given or otherwise.

How many years since you found yourself
Staring at an endless sky?

Unaware of yourself
Who you are and where you're going
Only living
Only breathing
Losing all sense of time

The most fragile of things
Captivates and embraces you
Surrender and be witness
To this rarest of moments

You live within the sense of the order of things
What is truth
What is important
What defines you

No need to fear
No need to worry
About years that passed
About time you lost

Live seconds as a lifetime
Time it does not matter
You live within the sense
Of the stillness of time

I just want to be HAPPY, dammit! I don't care what it takes anymore. I want to be happy and I don't fucking know HOW.

Fuck everything...

This world is on the way out anyhow...

I've been gone for a long time. Pondering... thinking. I've been downright contemplative, I think. I've somehow missed many of the vicissitudes that have plagued me. Missed what I most needed to see and realizing that, couldn't forgive myself, and couldn't take other changes...

Unworthiness comes to mind, as a term for how I've felt for so long.

But now I've once again been betrayed. Or perhaps I, once more, was the perpetrator of this situation.

The hole in my heart where once she stood will be there... forever...

But I've suffered more war wounds than this. I've suffered, and maybe I've finally found a place that is worth defending.

I've been gone a long time. I'm sorry, to the people I feel responsible for and to. I'm sorry. I hope you will forgive.